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LDS Church Releases Statement On Max Hall Comments

Monday, 07 December 2009

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In response to BYU quarterback Max Hall's recent statements, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has adopted an amendment to its Thirteenth Article of Faith. The revised declaration now reads, in pertinent part, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men except those affiliated with the University of Utah, its football team, or fans thereof."

Additionally, LDS Church spokesman LaVerne Christiansen stated that General Authorities who had received academic degrees from the University of Utah would be immediately granted emeritus status and removed from their callings. "Except for President Monson," Christiansen explained, "because he repented of his [University of] Utah Bachelor's Degree by getting an MBA from the Lord's One True University."

In related news, church scholars engaged in the Joseph Smith Papers Project have reported that they have recently discovered Smith's personal notes regarding the "inspired" translation of Matthew 5:44. "The King James Version has Christ telling his disciples to 'love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,' which is all very good," said Project Editor F. Merrill Baker, Jr., "but the [newly discovered] Prophet's translation includes a caveat, making it clear that the Lord's pronouncement doesn't apply to the Utes."

"It's marvelous," continued Baker, who holds a doctorate in archival archaeology from Brigham Young University, "and it reveals that even though the University of Utah wasn't founded until 1850--more than five years after his death--Joseph Smith knew by the spirit of prophecy and inspiration that its football fans would spill their beer on BYU fans."

Dos XX

Friday, 04 December 2009

Max Hall is a hypocrite - Hands down winner, douchebag of the year

Monday, 30 November 2009

Max Hall Quote 8/24/09

"A big reason why I came to B.Y.U. is that by coming to B.Y.U., especially if I was able to become a starting quarterback at B.Y.U., is the number of opportunities that I’d not only have to give service, but to represent my faith, In a sense, continue to do missionary work without being on a mission.”

Max Hall Quote 11/28/09

"I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything. It felt really good to send those guys home. I think the whole university, and their fans and their organization is classless."

The staff at byusucks.net isn't LDS, but we're betting "I hate everything" is probably somewhere in the book of mormon and is definitely a job well done by Max in "representing his faith."

A short list of people Max Hall thinks is classless

Max, here is a list of a few people you've just called "classless" below. This is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Thomas S. Monson - President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
George Albert Smith - former President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
David O. McKay - former President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Harold B. Lee - former President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Gordon B. Hinckley - former President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Cecil O. Samuelson - President, Brigham Young University; Latter-day Saint General Authority
Russell M. Nelson - member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Ross "Rocky" Anderson - former Mayor, Salt Lake City
Robert Foster Bennett - U.S. Senator, R-UT
Anson Vasco Call II - First Mayor of Afton, Wyoming (served nine terms) graduated with the first class in 1875
E. Jake Garn - former U.S. Senator, R-UT, and Astronaut
Jon M. Huntsman, Jr. - Current Governor of the State of Utah
Dale A. Kimball - judge for the U.S. District Court for the District of Utah
Myron E. Leavitt - Lieutenant Governor of Nevada; Justice, Nevada Supreme Court
Frank Moss, former U.S. Senator, D-UT
Karl Rove - Chief political strategist and adviser to George W. Bush attended the University of Utah but never graduated.
Ted Stewart - judge for the U.S. District Court for the District of Utah
David Evans - Computer scientist and graphics pioneer and co-founder of Evans & Sutherland
Wilbert L. Gore - Co-inventor of Gore-tex fabrics
Alan Kay - Computer scientist, recipient of the Turing Award, credited with the concept of the laptop computer.
Alan Ashton - Computer scientist, co-founder of WordPerfect and Thanksgiving Point
John Warnock - Computer scientist best known as a co-founder of Adobe Systems Inc.

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